Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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