david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
