I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
