I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
