I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
