I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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