That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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