I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You may now shotgun with the bride
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize