After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
