I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
