I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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