My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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