is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
