Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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