The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize