ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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