she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
