never play flip cup with pint glasses
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
