Apparently you make a good broom.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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