sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
