i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
