I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
