I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
