At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
