Porn is love you can see.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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