Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
