Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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