my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
