Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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