I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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