I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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