i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dignity is for republicans.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
