I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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