Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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