I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
