it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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