Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
