Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
