You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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