I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
