I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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