How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
