Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
