Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize