Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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