Fine. I'll sleep in my office
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
