My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
