I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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