If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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