Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
