They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
