Already got asked if we're dating
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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