i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Randomize
