his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
