So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
