Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
