I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
