i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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