At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize