Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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