Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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