At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
