Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
