If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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