Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
