Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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