Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
