My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
