You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
