Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize