are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize