need another drink. this is the easiest way
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
