You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
