dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
