we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
