Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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