He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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